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Messages - light of christ

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
1
Jokes / Re: New words for Naija dictionary - yar'adua turai amodu andoakaa
« on: February 17, 2010, 04:51:14 PM »
I like ur ingenuity. Brilliant! Lol!

2
Jokes / Re: REBRANDING NIGERIA new Terms
« on: January 28, 2010, 11:52:12 AM »
I dropped off laughing when I read this  ;D

3
Let's watch what we call ourselves pls. U have been made in the image and in the likeness of the Almighty God. U r not a bastard. You are small gods, u make statements that become decrees and it comes to pass. ;)

4
brit can you teach me that style because im still looking for job and the bastard himself is jobless too
One jobless girl has found a jobless bastard. what is the feminine name for bastard? Equation balanced. He sure won't mind u like this dear.

5
Jokes / Re: Hon Patrick Obahiagbon's Tribute To Gani plenty grammar
« on: September 14, 2009, 10:49:44 AM »
omg! LWKMD ooo!

6
Jokes / UDDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
« on: September 14, 2009, 10:42:12 AM »
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work during your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!

Signed:
Management

7
Forum News / Re: EFCC Crackdown on Corruption
« on: September 14, 2009, 10:24:11 AM »
Akingbola (Intercontinental bank) has spoken out. All d agidi of CBN has mellowed. Oh! I love this country! Nollywood, Bollywood and Hollywood should borrow scripts from our politicians coz they never run dry on stories to feed d public while they do their own thing underneath.

8
Jokes / Re: Yar'adua means fried snail in Nigerian folklore
« on: September 14, 2009, 10:18:42 AM »
ha! 2 more years abeg!

9
Forum News / Re: EFCC Crackdown on Corruption
« on: September 14, 2009, 10:15:57 AM »
U no get faith? Continue to hope pls, our hope will not be deferred. very soon, all our citizens exiled abroad , go come back, dey beg us for space to enjoy with us. pls don't give them o! cos, they did not suffer d power failures and d associated hell n heat with us.

10
Sports / Re: SOCCER UPDATES
« on: September 14, 2009, 10:10:26 AM »
England 5 - Croatia 1 - Lampard, Gerrard, Lampard, Gerrard, Eduardo, Rooney
whose biz? we dey talk say 9ja fail, u dey talk say England win. How does that relate to me n u?  Abi, r u british like some people r already denoucing their citizenship to  irish, british and brazilian? Abeg , don't use ur slasa disturb my apanla! ;)

11
Sports / Re: SOCCER UPDATES
« on: September 08, 2009, 01:01:33 PM »
We really want to host the U-17 world cup indeed! I guess we have to tell our guests to hold on while we change our source of power to Generators. Never Expect Nigerians to be prepared. Russians in d blood!

12
Sports / Re: SOCCER UPDATES
« on: September 08, 2009, 12:58:55 PM »
On Nigeria's world cup qualification
Up 9ja! we lost! Down Tunisia! They won. even on our own soil. Abuja stadium was packed to it's full capacity. Goodluck was around ( he didn't give us the goodluck) Upon everything, we won!  ;) We r 2 much!

13
Forum News / Re: EFCC Crackdown on Corruption
« on: September 08, 2009, 12:51:42 PM »
See Nigerian style? Everyone has shifted attention to Gani's death, no one cares abt the bank chiefs anymore. Hasn't it been up to a month that the CBN Gov said , He'll publish  d list rest of the rest defaulters? The Court of Public opinion in Nigeria is very shifty. First come, first serve basis. But we shall know the truth and that truth shall set us free. One day, Nigeria will be free!

14
Jokes / Re: Yar'adua means fried snail in Nigerian folklore
« on: September 08, 2009, 12:39:22 PM »
President Snail is so wise he got Sloths and some slow Arachnids like himself in his crew. Instead of moving slowly they are breaking speed limits in reverse gear!
;D LWKMD

15
Jokes / Re: Yar'adua means fried snail in Nigerian folklore
« on: September 04, 2009, 05:41:17 PM »
Very typical nigerian style. I laugh! our coinages are simple out of this world. Well, that's what d old man deserves. Nigeria is on a go-slow lane. He chose to be rememered for and as this. We got the best brains as Nigerians, rather than employ their services, he chose to play party plolitics; he brought in recycled brains, that have nothing else to offer. for instance, the ASUU strike. Sam Egwu has no biz being there as d Educ. minister, coz he has failed woefully. Quite exemplary for the ... to emulate!

16
Wow! perverse generation! Even so , come Lord Jesus!

17
Fashion / Re: Strictly converse all star sneakers lovers . .
« on: August 31, 2009, 03:52:14 PM »
just got some pairs for my baby. He's addicted to them now. just wondering why? hmmmn, there must be something abt converse then!

18
very false info! we know better.

19
let's wait and see

20
Sports / Re: LIVERPOOL: You'll never walk alone!
« on: August 31, 2009, 06:40:01 AM »
why is my liverpool struggling to win a match? eessh! I no know wetin dey do them o! Thank God for Benitas' words to Gerrad, otherwise Bolton would have beaten us, that would have been awful. See d other big 3 blasting away, hmmmn!

21
This guy is simply incredible.

22
someone doesn't watch his tv correctly or were u watching when nepa took light?

23
Forum News / Re: EFCC Crackdown on Corruption
« on: August 31, 2009, 06:28:45 AM »
interesting stuff.

24
Jokes / Re: BRAIN TEASER OF THE DAY: GENIUSes ONLY, BLOCKHEADS don't try
« on: August 06, 2009, 11:09:27 PM »

25
U need a chalkboard 4 that calculation, :D.

26
MEN
DOG
3 LETTER WORDS
Conjunctival and Binary functions... ok nope.. let me not go there at all! ;)

27
that's if u know! ::)

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Reality LIVE! / Re: Random musings of a sweetsoul
« on: August 06, 2009, 09:02:14 PM »
U miss more than that , woman!!!

29
Travel & Places / Re: Best Travel Destination
« on: August 06, 2009, 08:57:44 PM »
upset with d western world, when they create hurdles esp at immigration entries as if they are all tHAt! I like d song- london bridge is falling down, falling down! Ha! good 4 them! the eastern bloc has clearly taken over! been to moscow, hongkong, singapore, malaysia lately,  earthly paradise I can tell u.

30
Travel & Places / Re: TRIP TO DUBAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« on: August 06, 2009, 08:43:16 PM »
lovely place. Especially d desert ride. Awesome!!

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