Author Topic: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o  (Read 2874 times)

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Offline freddiewit

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A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« on: November 02, 2009, 02:50:39 AM »
A MUST READ (I apologise to any Nigerian's who read this and get offended, but you got to see the funny side to it????)
 
I did not come to England to take pictures of Big Ben or tour London Bridge .
 
I just wanted to get paid and get even with those colonials. With a name like Ogundele Kayode Omobrukutu, I could not even buy a bus pass let alone open a bank account.
 
This is my story...
 
It took me 6 months to study the system, but I still could not figure out my squares and circus's. I could not travel from Leicester Circus to Oxford Square without getting lost. I was a YMCA (Young Money Chasing African) when I joined the FRAUD (Fine Rich Africans United in Deals). It took me 3 months to attain my ACCA (Advanced Certificate for Criminal Africans) and I needed
an MBA (Major Bank Account to do my first HND (Heavy Nigerian Deal).
 
I arranged to meet this guy at Animal and Something I mean Elephant and Castle. We were supposed to meet at 10.00am. I got there at 11.30am and he turned up at 1.30pm. He pulled up in a Mercedes 500SL with a private number plate - 419 ADE. He was a definite Nigerian, he had it all - leather jacket in summer, air condition on full blast with his roof and windows down whilst smoking cigar and choking on his smoke just to impress me. Being a fellow Nigerian I was more than impressed. He introduced himself as Adepujo Kunle Babatunde and asked me to call him Ade or Babs. He spoke with a strong Nigerian accent but he messed the whole language up by slanging - he sounded like a Canadian born Chinese living in Germany and studying French. I had not been in the country for long but I could tell that Omo (my man), was trying hard to be British.
 
After hanging with Ade for about 2 months I became an OBE (Opportunist Bank Employee) and specialised in BBC (Breaking Bank Codes). Money was flowing and I wanted more so I did my PhD (Passport Handling Degree) and became an FBI (Fraudster Bringing Immigrants). My status changed drastically...I had a BMW 328is convertible and a Porsche 911 with a private plate - 911 OMO and living in a council flat and signing on. I went to Moonlighting every Friday and drank champagne and danced to music supplied by DJ Pace and Skills. I became foolish - I remember one night I spent over a 1,000 on just champagne at the club and had no money for petrol so I walked home.
 
My downfall.... Greed and selfishness inevitably led to my downfall - I got involved with a CIA (Cash Investing Agent) and we did a couple of GMTs (Good Money Transfers) but he later turned out to be a CID (Cop in Disguise).
 
I was under surveillance and I did not even know. I left the NHS (Nigerian Housing Scheme) early that morning with about 12 different chequebooks to go and do my business. They followed me to the high road and it was then it hit me that something was wrong. I could not leave all that evidence in my car so I started chewing my cheque books. I ate 8 before they pulled me over. They read me my rights and all that crap and all I could say was - OGA, water please!

 
AUTHOR: Dele Vincent

Offline davidenko

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2009, 10:46:01 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D
ca$h rule$ #v#rything around m#...

Offline Ken

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2009, 04:39:55 PM »
He spoke with a strong Nigerian accent but he messed the whole language up by slanging - he sounded like a Canadian born Chinese living in Germany and studying French. I had not been in the country for long but I could tell that Omo (my man), was trying hard to be British.

This is the point Nigerians here also trying to speak american english when the Swedes speak normally, its down right stupid.
Do not hesitate to pay for your knowledge.

Offline mona

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2009, 12:04:24 AM »
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
monabellucci events...delivering lasting impressions.

Offline Idol

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2009, 09:10:57 AM »
 ;D ;D

Offline gimbiya

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2009, 02:49:07 AM »
haha d funniest 1ce r dem fresh outta 9ja boiz. dey murder "innit" lyk mad n i cringe weneva dy say it...ewww.

Offline Solimontero1

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2009, 07:14:05 AM »
Why is it that some  people starts topics without completing it?
Its better 2 die 4 something than to live for nothing

Offline Penthome

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2009, 03:14:52 PM »
This topic is complete, you need to read it twice to understand it?
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2009, 03:49:15 PM »
Penthome,maybe u r going 2 explain it in ur own words 4 me 2 understand.
Its better 2 die 4 something than to live for nothing

Offline Solimontero1

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2009, 03:52:37 PM »
Penthome,maybe u dont have 2 explain coz i jst read d full gist.K.
Its better 2 die 4 something than to live for nothing

Offline Solimontero1

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2011, 12:53:50 PM »
keep reading this,yet cant stop laughing
Its better 2 die 4 something than to live for nothing

Offline Jidoskie

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Re: A Nigerian in London - Apologies to una o
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2011, 11:17:13 PM »
lol