Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 25961 times)

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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #150 on: August 04, 2010, 10:49:52 PM »
Now that's classic!
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #151 on: August 05, 2010, 01:58:08 PM »
Praise the Lort.Hmmm! It's not a small something. Well, actually, it all started a two day ago, which i'm in my house, so a small hungry is catching me, so i look in the house nothing much to chop only small plantain which i've not fried before. So, i tell myself to fry it and chop, as i'm frying that plantain so, phone ringing, so i look, it's a faring place, so i now run, which i reach there, it's my father which call, so i now say, father call after, plantain frying. I keep it. So now, i now turn around, as i turn around, all of a suddenliness everywhere in my house have turn to smoke.Children of God as i'm approaching, smoke is biging, smoke is just biging biging. It's a fearing thing o!, if it's you self, you'll fearing. So i now call on my God, i sing his sing which daddy say make we dey sing. The sing did not work oh! Smoke is still biging make i talk true. So i now call the name of Jesus three times. I shout Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! All of a miraculously, smoke start to be vanishing, to where? I no know. It's a miracle thing. Smoke start to small, small, small. Then, my plantain have burn to ashes. Hallelujah.But my main testimony today be say, i chop that charcoal and nothing happen to me
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #152 on: August 05, 2010, 02:22:52 PM »
mona,be ready 2 go jail 4 attempted murder,,dat joke don crack my ribs already.LWKMD  lolllllllllllllllllll
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #153 on: August 05, 2010, 09:23:18 PM »
 ;) ;) ;D
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day - Two married couple confess
« Reply #154 on: August 07, 2010, 07:27:03 PM »
Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2: "Yes."
Woman 1: "Was it good?"
Woman2: "No, it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep n two minutes. How was yours?"
Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"

At the same time their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "Great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"
Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because NEPA cut our light, so I had to take my wife out which was expensive. Because of hold up, we had to walk home and that took an hour -and when we got home I remembered the no light, so I had to light candles all over the house. I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour, and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I came, I was so aggravated, that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was yacking away for another hour!"
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #155 on: August 07, 2010, 11:37:53 PM »
Lmao!!!!there are always 2 sides to a coin.
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #156 on: August 09, 2010, 03:19:15 AM »
One day, an uncle came to greet us, you know those uncles that are not related through any
bloodline but were just old enough to be uncles and were constantly in our house on Sundays because of the free lunch (no offense but its true!).
Anyway, our family dog liked this uncle because he knew how to scratch his ears and ruffle his fur. Bingo used to love to sit by this uncle's side, while he performed his magic, and this particular day was not different.
We were all in the living room watching TV when a sudden odious smell spread round. We children escaped to the balcony one by one, and breathed fresh air, but Mother would not leave the room, because of the guest. Five minutes later we returned and settled down, but we had to run out again after ten minutes because a fresh wave of the smell circulated round.
When it happened the third time, Mother shouted, "Leave now before the smell kills you!", and the man proceeded to stand.
Mother quickly added, "Not you, I am talking to Bingo."
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #157 on: August 10, 2010, 10:21:59 AM »
Ade a Lagos University student, was on the side of the road on a very dark
night and in the midst of a storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he
could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly
coming towards him and stopped. Ade, desperate for shelter and without
thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise
there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. Ade looked at the road and saw a curve
approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just
before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the
wheel. Ade, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand repeatedly came
through the window but never harmed him.
Shortly thereafter Ade saw the lights of a bar down the road so, gathering
strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he
rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience
he had just experienced.
A silence enveloped the bar when everybody realised he was crying and
wasn't drunk.
Suddenly two other people walked into the same bar. They, like Ade, were
also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing Ade sobbing at the
bar, one said to the other, "Look, Yemi! There's that  idiot that
got in the car while we were pushing it.
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #158 on: August 11, 2010, 11:56:33 PM »
TEACHER:"WALE READ FROM THE BOOK"
 WALE:"ENRY IT D AMMER ON D EAD"
TEACHER:"HEMPHASIZE D HESH,HEMPHASIZE D HESH,YOU HIGNORANT HIDIOT!"
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #159 on: August 16, 2010, 01:53:53 PM »
 A little boy opend the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object & looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear"
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #160 on: August 16, 2010, 06:06:46 PM »
monabellucci. notin do u bro
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Offline mona

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #161 on: September 08, 2010, 09:12:24 AM »
A man suspected his wife of cheating. He den decided to spy on ha, he planned a dummy trip nd came bk immediately with a cab, he asked d cab man to go with him up to d wifes room nd dey both tiptoed into the bedroom with d husband brandishing a pistol. They enterd d rum nd as d husband swiched on d lights, d driver yanked d blanket bk nd there they were,d wife in bed with anoda man. The husband mad by dis put a gun to the naked mans head. D wife den shouted, " don't do it! Dis man has bin very generous to us! I lied when I told u I inherited money. He is d one who paid for d prado I bought for u. He paid for dis house we now own, he gave me the money we owed the bank and he pays for all d tickets we use for theater. He also pays our children's school fees and even for that suit and d odas u wear, he even pays our monthly dues!".    In disbelief, d husband slowly lowered the gun, looked over at d driver nd asked, " what would u do if it were u?".  D driver said, " cover him up with that blanket before he catches cold!!
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #162 on: October 14, 2010, 02:04:17 PM »
Akpan: Mama, I hv AIDS. Mama: Don't cum back my SON! If u cum bck, den ur wife wil b infected. 4rm ur wife 2 ur bro, 4rm ur bro 2 our maid, 4rm our maid 2 ur dad, 4rm ur dad 2 my sis n 4rm my sis 2 her husband, 4rm him 2 me n 4rm me 2 our driver, 4rm our driver 2 ur sis n if ur sis got AIDs, den...D whole village wil b infected! So Akpan, in d name of God plz save our village.. lwkmd
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Offline davidenko

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #163 on: November 14, 2010, 11:08:30 PM »
E get this particular restaurant wey I dey chop for VI, e get one oyinbo wey dey >always come chop there too. Any time dis oyinbo chop finish he go shout "HEY", >so I wonder wetin dey make am shout, I decide to chop wetin the oyinbo dey >always chop so I go shout too. When I reach the restaurant last week friday, I >order wetin the man dey chop. They tell me say na chicken and red wine, so I >chop am, but I no shout, I collect xtra plate, but still I no still shout. Na >then I just vex ask for my bill. The waiter tell me say one plate of chicken na >N35,000 & red wine na N25,000 then the extra plate na N20,000 na then I shout >heyyyyyyyyyy!    heyyyyyyyyyyyy!! heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
ca$h rule$ #v#rything around m#...

Offline mekoyo

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #164 on: November 15, 2010, 09:13:18 AM »
sorry o
!!!Until you accept your failure as final then are you finally a failure!!!