Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 24703 times)

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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #60 on: January 07, 2010, 07:34:09 AM »
A man was travelling and was attacked by theives, he fought seriously with them but was later defeated....When they searched his body,they saw only 10 naira, and one of the thieves asked him; is it only because of this dirty ten naira that u fought so hard? Then the man answered; no,  i thought you wanted 2 collect the 10,000 pounds i hid under my shoes!!!
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #61 on: January 07, 2010, 07:51:40 AM »
Ur momma is so dumb,she sat and starred at a bottle coz the label read,... Concentrate!!!
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #62 on: January 07, 2010, 07:59:47 AM »
Ur momma is so fat that when she was in school,she sat close 2 everybody in class
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #63 on: January 07, 2010, 06:06:12 PM »
Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #64 on: January 08, 2010, 04:31:49 AM »
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #65 on: January 08, 2010, 04:34:55 AM »
Yo momma is so ugly that her picture was pasted over the fridge 2 chase away flies
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #66 on: January 08, 2010, 11:21:34 AM »
Why was the lawyer studying the Bible right before he died?
He was looking for loopholes!
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #67 on: January 08, 2010, 12:50:57 PM »
The Wife, The Wasp, and The Doctor

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife's private part. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor.

The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he feels the wasp.

And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife.

Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with vigor. The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?"

To which the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the little bastard!"
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #68 on: January 08, 2010, 08:15:57 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D He should drown the doctor with bullets then. Must doctor be the one to help?
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #69 on: January 09, 2010, 10:47:06 AM »
The athiest
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip,
the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below
to swallow man and boat.  As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"  Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"  "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"  "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must
understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"  The atheist thinks for a minute and then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it."  The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast.  Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #70 on: January 09, 2010, 11:28:04 AM »
Soli you no go kill person o!
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #71 on: January 11, 2010, 09:33:13 AM »
Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family.
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #72 on: January 11, 2010, 10:23:53 AM »
Yo momma is so fat that when she was in school, she sat close to everybody.
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #73 on: January 11, 2010, 12:45:57 PM »
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City.

It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

"Mom," said the little boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They 're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

She reponds, "Most of them are cab drivers".
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #74 on: January 12, 2010, 09:22:09 AM »
Yo momma is so short that she sat on an exercise book and her legs didn't touch the ground.
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #75 on: January 13, 2010, 01:52:15 PM »
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #76 on: January 14, 2010, 07:26:31 AM »
Wife- i wish i was a newspaper, so i`d be in ur hand all day,
husband- i 2 wish that u were a news papers, so i could have a new one everyday. -handygo
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #77 on: January 14, 2010, 07:28:52 AM »
* The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #78 on: January 14, 2010, 08:26:23 AM »
A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said, "what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.

"Well the answer is obvious," he said "if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."
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Offline Penthome

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ELEVATOR MAGIC!
« Reply #79 on: January 15, 2010, 03:09:09 PM »
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #80 on: January 15, 2010, 11:21:40 PM »
 ;D
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #81 on: January 17, 2010, 05:45:20 PM »
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #82 on: January 18, 2010, 02:33:38 PM »
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
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Offline Solimontero1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #83 on: January 18, 2010, 02:47:37 PM »
Penthome,u don start oh
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Offline BBFan

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #84 on: January 18, 2010, 09:11:29 PM »
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Funniest man ;D

Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #85 on: January 19, 2010, 03:44:25 PM »
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #86 on: January 20, 2010, 11:36:41 PM »
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #87 on: January 20, 2010, 11:38:22 PM »
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago
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Offline Penthome

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #88 on: January 21, 2010, 03:54:41 PM »

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other," Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"
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Offline freddiewit

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #89 on: January 22, 2010, 01:50:43 AM »
Omo, I don forget about worries laugh die o. Una do well.