Author Topic: funny law court quotes  (Read 2323 times)

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Offline Olaore

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funny law court quotes
« on: December 03, 2010, 10:51:33 AM »
                           True or False?

  These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are
  things people actually said in court, Word for word, taken down and now 
  published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
  these exchanges were actually taking place. With thanks to my dear
  friend, Bob Sager.

  It would be a good idea to be seated before you read this.  You might
  fall down laughing. My apologies to anyone who might be an attorney.


                            True or False

  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,   
  he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

  WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

  WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

  WITNESS: Yes.

  ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

  WITNESS: None.

  ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

  WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
  new attorney?
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

  WITNESS: By death.

  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

  WITNESS: Take a guess.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

  WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.

  ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

  WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
  dead people?

  WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

  ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

  WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

  WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  And the best for last:

  ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
  pulse?

  WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

  WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

  WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
  began the autopsy?

  WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

  WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
  nevertheless?

  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
  practicing law.

Offline Omotola

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Re: funny law court quotes
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2010, 06:52:12 PM »
laugh   ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

  WITNESS: By death.

  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

  WITNESS: Take a guess.