Email to the Family: Global Economic Meltdown, How it affects us.

[Penthome]

Un-Authored by me. :-)

FROM: FATHER

TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES

CC: MOTHER

SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING

Unavoidably, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation allowed.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request..

2. Breakfast is banned. This matter is not for discussion.

3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such food, must write to Me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving convincing nutritional reasons backed by a qualified dietician.

4 . Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered.. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons..

6. Security lights are being removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7.. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them..

8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay home. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away upon arrival.

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER.



In addition:

Ezra I'm 150% sure that you have implemented this in your Cottage already! This recession isn't crunchy at all. In my house, no bfast, no lunch, supper is optional.

You need fingerprints to get water from the dispenser. We no longer use cooking gas, WC or heater. We use shite-to-gas container, Mobile Toilets (so we can retrieve shite for cooking gas) and roll out drums into the bright sun for warm water.

Our dogs have become herbivores now, we don't pay the garderner no more, neither do we have to buy food for the dog. Interestingly, shite from them burn brighter in the bio gas....  Read More

BRT is it, no buying of fuel and no maintenance of vehicles. Visitors are very welcome till 10:00pm but must come with Lunch bags and personal drinks. We can't feed them cos we have rat poison all over the house... (u know how risky it is)

We have no issue with NEPA at all since they removed our "Metre", we tapped from our neighbours.

Now we've saved a lot in a short while.

[WatchULukin4]

lol @ no7

[Penthome]

Yes o start learning to sing now. If you can't buy yourself a caged nightingale.

[freddiewit]

Omo, na serious letter be this o

[Kate]

My husband must see this one its very funny

[freddiewit]

Madam Kate, why you want make your husband see am? U wan make him enforce the same thing?

[50kobo]

I love this. My papa go soon do the same especially in AJ city where people dey time visitation for meal time

[Idol]

i no Understand most of it shey na hardship cos am?

[freddiewit]

Na proper planning jare; they're making hard to avoid hardship itself. 

[she2]

Fasting and praying till Jesus com.

[Dubai]

 

[Idol]

this kind owu still dey blaze people for yankee