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GENERAL => General Discussion => Off Topic => Topic started by: freddiewit on December 31, 2007, 03:51:03 AM
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X-Rated Jokes
The Middle Finger
Bayo once asked his dad to tell him what he does with his fingers.
His father said the thumb turns pages of books, the second finger points to whatever you want, the fourth wears the wedding ring and the little finger is used to pick your nose. “But”, he cautioned, “I’ll tell you what the middle finger is meant for after your marriage”. Bayo was satisfied with that and time past.
On his wedding day, after the ceremony, Bayo went to have a talk with Papa. He said “dad, I’ve waited many years to know what the middle finger does” His father drew close to him and whispered: “Bayo, tonight you will make hot love to your wife. When you become tired and your woman turns to you asking for more, that's when you take your middle finger, you poke on her head and say, 'Go back to sleep you silly woman'
WHAT WAS ON YOUR MIND?
Misconception in Buca
A man went into a buka to eat. he ordered for boiled plantain to be served him. The waitress served him that, but made the mistake of giving him a spoon to eat it instead of a fork. So whilst he was struggling with the spoon, she asks him, "Oh Sir! Sorry o. You wan fork?" And the man replies, "Now?" Then he begins to unzip his pants.
Impregnated Daughter
A fourteen year old girl was impregnated and her parents were crossed with her and wanted to know who did such a wicked thing to their daughter but the girl remained silent and after all said done she demanded to make a phone call. After a while a black Hummer Limbousine packed in front of their house, the owner stepped out said to the parents of the girl that he was sorry but the harm has been done but he continued by saying; If your daughter gives birth to a boy she is going to be the owner of this estate and $500000,if she gives birth to a girl its going to be a mansion and $200000,and if it is a miscarriage.................. ...........immediately the father interrupted, YOU WILL #$%@ HER AGAIN.
Hobbies and Names
Bar Names A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself, she answered. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked. "Beersex" the man replied.
The Three Virgins and Their Mother
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said:
"GOOD TILL THE LAST DROP”.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans" Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack:
"EXTRA LONG. KING SIZE"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA. The ad said:
"TEN TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS"
Zip Up
(With rate at which youths of nowadays are becoming sex-crazy, I have decided to end this x-rated section with this one)
One day I went to market to buy eggs. On getting home I crack the first one nothing was found, I crack the second one nothing was found, I then went back to where I bought it, the madam broke the whole 24crates and nothing was found in it all and we decided to go to the poultry, getting there the poultry manager could not believe what happened and he also broke all the eggs in the poultry and nothing was found again and he decided to call on those chicken and ask’ what is going on with the eggs you are laying nowadays?''Chicken reply'' with CONDOM nothing dey happen and we will always ZIP UP........................... .....
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